Mentee orientation

The benefit doesn't come on its own

Mentees who don't form a real bond with their mentor are no measurably better off than people with no mentor.

Ragins' finding, as reported by Tjan (HBR, 2017).

You own the relationship

• Propose the session dates
• Bring the topics to discuss
• Expect support for your thinking, not ready answers
• If things stall, take the first step

In developmental mentoring, the agenda belongs to the mentee (Clutterbuck).

Agree on these in the first session

• Frequency: how often, how long, where?
• Contact: which channel in between, how fast a reply?
• Confidentiality: what stays between you?
• Expectations: what do you expect of each other?
• Rescheduling: who proposes the new date?

Send your mentor a short note with what you agreed.

Choose 1–3 goals

1. Include a concrete behavior or result
2. Fall within an area your mentor can help with
3. Allow visible progress during the program
4. Be shareable with your manager

Revisit your goals every three or four sessions.

Write a measurable goal

"Within three months I'll run two team meetings myself, then ask two teammates for feedback."

Write down up front how you'll know you're progressing.

Prepare for every session

• What's left over from the last session?
• What do I want to walk away with this time?
• What support do I need: listening, pushback, a connection?
• What example or data can I bring?

Prepare for at least 30 minutes; send the agenda 1–2 days ahead.

Ask good questions

• "What did you watch out for in a similar situation?"
• "What might I be missing in this decision?"
• "Who would you suggest I talk to about this?"

Instead of "What should I do?", bring your own options.

Session checklist

Take feedback, don't defend

1. First, ask questions to understand
2. Ask for a concrete example
3. Sum up what you heard in your own words
4. Say thank you, then decide what you'll try

Mentors value mentees who listen without getting defensive (Chopra and Saint, 2017).

Exercise: write a narrow question (5 min)

1. Pick a piece of work from the past week
2. Instead of "How am I doing?", write a narrow question
3. Share it with your neighbor and sharpen it together
4. Bring the question to your first session

Example: "Was my message clear in the first two minutes of my presentation?"

Respect your mentor's time

• Frame questions so they can be answered briefly
• Raise complex topics in a session, not by message
• Allow enough time for anything they need to read
• If you need to reschedule, say so early

Between sessions

Promise little, deliver early and well.

Close the relationship well

• Revisit your starting goals together
• Make your own plan for what's still open
• Say specifically what worked
• Talk about how you'll stay in touch

A relationship that closes well leaves the door open.

Sources

• Tjan (HBR), 2017 — why a real bond matters
• Chopra and Saint (HBR), 2017 — advice for mentees
• Clutterbuck — developmental mentoring, session preparation