The first mentoring session: preparation, agreement and a 45-minute agenda

The first session sets the tone of the mentoring relationship. In it, two people get to know each other, talk about why they’ve been brought together and decide how they’ll work together. An unprepared first session ends as a pleasant chat, but it leaves the reason for a second session unclear. This guide is written to help both sides arrive prepared and leave with a concrete agreement.

Before the session: how both sides prepare

Lois Zachary describes the mentoring relationship in four phases: preparing, negotiating, enabling growth and closure. The preparing phase starts before the first session.

For the mentor

• Read up on the mentee’s role, unit and what they wrote when applying to the program.
• Get clear on how much time you can realistically give this relationship each month.
• Think of two or three short experiences from your own career you could share.

For the mentee

• Learn about the mentor’s career path and current role.
• Write down, in three sentences, what you want to get out of this program.
• Note the constraints in your calendar and your preferred session format (in person or online).

The first 15 minutes: getting acquainted and building trust

In the phases David Clutterbuck defines for the mentoring relationship, the first is building rapport and trust; goal setting comes after. Don’t skip this order.

Get acquainted through values and experiences, not job titles. A 2012 meta-analysis by Eby and colleagues, published in Psychological Bulletin, shows that perceived similarity in values and attitudes is strongly linked to relationship quality, while surface-level similarities such as age and gender have almost no effect. That’s why topics like these work better than titles and job descriptions:

• How did you get to where you are? What was a turning point in your career?
• What gives you the most energy at work?
• What does a good workday look like for you?

If possible, hold the first session in person. If you’re in different cities, choose a video call, keep cameras on and avoid a first session by phone. Pick a quiet, uninterrupted setting; the first session shouldn’t happen in the middle of a busy office.

The mentor should also speak openly about themselves. Sharing a mistake or a period when they struggled makes it easier for the mentee to speak openly.

Talk about expectations

Most relationships that break down do so because of unspoken expectations. Both sides should answer these questions:

• What do I expect from this relationship?
• What do I expect from the other person?
• What can I offer, and what can’t I?

The mentor should clarify their role from the start: they are not the mentee’s manager, don’t assign work and don’t evaluate performance. The mentee should also know that they will drive the relationship. Carnegie Mellon University’s mentee guide explicitly gives the mentee responsibility for setting the agenda and scheduling sessions.

The mentoring agreement: what to include

The agreement is a simple document of no more than two pages. According to ATD’s 2023 research, more than half of organizations with mentoring programs give participants a mentor–mentee agreement. The agreement should include:

1. Goals. No more than three development goals.
2. Duration. When the relationship will end. According to the London School of Economics mentoring guide, most relationships last 3–9 months.
3. Frequency and length. For example, twice a month for 45–60 minutes. An Ohio State University article summarizing Clutterbuck’s phases recommends meeting at least once every three months and no more than three times a month.
4. Confidentiality. What stays confidential and the exceptions. Write down that situations such as a safety risk, a legal obligation or discrimination will be referred onward.
5. Communication. Which channel to use between sessions and a reasonable response time.
6. Cancellation rule. How much notice to give for a cancellation and when the session will be made up.
7. Feedback. How often you’ll review how the relationship is working.
8. No-fault exit. If either side feels the relationship isn’t working, it can be ended with a closing conversation, without anyone being blamed. A closing conversation of this kind is also among the ground rules Zachary recommends.

To fill in the goals section, you can use the free goal card.

Sample 45-minute agenda

Time	Section	Purpose
0–5 min	Opening	Share the purpose and flow of the session
5–15 min	Getting acquainted	Career stories, values, common ground
15–25 min	Expectations	Discuss what each side expects and can offer
25–35 min	A first look at goals	Identify the mentee’s development areas and priorities
35–42 min	Agreement	Agree on frequency, confidentiality, communication, cancellation and exit rules
42–45 min	Close	Put the next date in the calendar, quick feedback

Questions to ask

From mentor to mentee:

• Why did you join this program?
• What would you like to change in your work over the next year?
• Who has helped you most in the past, and how did they help?
• On which topics would you like me to be candid with you?

From mentee to mentor:

• What challenge in your career taught you the most?
• Have you mentored before, and what did you learn?
• How would you like me to prepare for our sessions?
• What’s the best way to reach you?

Common mistakes

• The mentor dominating the conversation. In the first session, most of the talking time should belong to the mentee.
• Jumping straight to problem-solving. Advice given before trust is built doesn’t get heard.
• Skipping the agreement. The thought “we’ll figure it out” comes back as confusion in month three.
• Not discussing confidentiality. If the exceptions aren’t discussed, trust is shaken at the first sensitive topic.
• Not setting the next date. A session that isn’t in the calendar usually doesn’t happen.
• Trying to fit everything into the first session. The details of the goals can wait for the second session. The first session’s job is to lay the foundation of the relationship.
• Leaving the mentee’s manager out. If the mentee sees fit, they can briefly tell their own manager about their goals in the program. Only the direction of development is shared, not the content of sessions; this makes it easier for the goals to be supported on the job.

The 48 hours after the session

The impact of the first session lasts through what happens afterward:

1. The mentee sends a short summary. What was discussed, the rules agreed on and the next date. Keep the summary to five points or fewer.
2. The agreement is finalized. Both sides approve the agreed text.
3. The mentee writes their goals. Draft goals go to the mentor before the second session.
4. The mentor takes notes for themselves. They record the mentee’s priorities and anything that stood out.
5. The program manager is informed. Only that the session took place is reported; the content isn’t shared.

To structure sessions in the months that follow, take a look at the free session card.

Sources

• Mentor practice (University of Washington) — Zachary’s four phases, ground rules and the closing conversation
• What Does a Mentor Relationship Look Like? (Ohio State University) — Clutterbuck’s relationship phases and recommended meeting frequency
• When and how does mentoring matter? (BPS Research Digest) — Eby and colleagues’ 2012 meta-analysis: deep-level similarity and relationship quality
• Mentee Guide (Carnegie Mellon University) — the mentee’s preparation, responsibilities and a sample agreement
• Mentoring Guide (London School of Economics, 2025) — the first session, what goes in the agreement and relationship length
• ATD Research: More Organizations Support Mentoring Programs — agreements and support tools organizations provide
• Confidentiality in mentoring (Clutterbuck) — the limits of confidentiality to discuss in the first session